#microwave too strong
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i accidentally tripped the circuit and lost progress on my art... i havbe cried about a bath tubs worth of tears
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wow I didnât think reblogging that tea post and then seeing peopleâs tags would deal me such strong psychic damage. come over I can fix you I can find a tea you will like. âI donât like teaâ how can you say that as a blanket statement when there are so many vastly different kinds of tea. head in hands
#âitâs like coffee but not goodâ#while a cup of black tea does have a great deal less caffeine in it than coffee#it also has a stimulant called l-theanine which is NOT found in coffee#and the more complex combination of the two stimulants hit your system much more slowly#which is why tea doesnât give you jitters like coffee does#anyone whoâs like wow I need my coffee to survive but I hate that it makes me nauseous and gives me heart palpitations and bad breath#to you I say. wean yourself off coffee and onto tea!!!!!!!#but WAIT I can keep going. nauseous? ginger tea. sore throat? peppermint contains menthol which works as a numbing agent#green and black teas are both very high in antioxidants#chamomile and lavender do both have a calming affect#BUT WHAT ABOUT THE TASTE I hear you say#IT TASTES LIKE GRASS. try a floral tea or a black tea or chai or Thai tea#ITS SO BITTER youâre either steeping it for too long or the water youâre using is too hot#not to sound like Iâm fucking uncle iroh or something I just apparnerlt have strong thoughts and feelings about tea#I canât handle ppl going ugh I hate tea and itâs like. overbrewed lipton in microwaved tap water.#anyway MY favorites are jasmine and lavender earl grey#and currently Iâm really into this corn silk tea my brother bought me at h mart#itâs like gen mai cha but even more#congrats for making it this far into my tea rant tags. if you comment your tastes I can give you a personalized tea recommendation
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dude, who is cooking onions at midnight in the dorms over here??? i can smell it through the fucking airvents. i donât hate the cooked onion smell unless itâs at midnight as iâm trying to sleep i guess
#wtf#why is it so strong#itâs been twenty minutes of smelling this#iâm in my bed in my dorm#far far away from the microwaves#and from everyone else#yet i still smell someone cooking onion#at midnight#babes why#itâs such a strong smell#iâm going insane#college life#college#boarding school#cress talks way too much
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Literally crying at the tags you made on my post! The canned food I wrote in the draft was gonna be tomato soup so I burst out laughing at your comments. TYSM! <3
TOMATO SOUP fhdhdhsjsi I'm crying
What if no one actually died. What if Keigo saw all the red from the soup and Assumed The Worst but it was mostly just spilled over tomatoes. Can you imagine Older!Shig reading on the incident? He would never let Hawks live it down AHAH
ok, I'm sorry, my apologies, the vibe you were going for was probably different :'D
But anyway! Your comics and your art are always fantastic! đ they always bring a smile to my face, so thank you for sharing them
I'm looking forward to more shigahawks shenanigans if you ever come up with more stuff, and feel free to nag me in dms if you need someone to cheer you on as you smooth out the details o/ and if it stays a one-time art, then I'm happy anyway cause I still got to see my baby boys being friends :')
#Am I coming on too strong? Idk. Probably#I'm just very happy to see people love this dynamic too#I feel like it's very interesting and I am a coward who can't bring herself to write it#So when I see other appreciators my love for them rears his head back and goes ding ding ding like a microwave#Just waiting for me to dig into a warm meal#Ali replies
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@killerandhealerqueen @technitango @mid-n0vember @gayautisticraccoon
Alright. Weâre settling this discourse once and for all.
In the tags, tell me your opinion on:
Mayonnaise
Frozen YogurtÂ
Salt and Vinegar Chips
Sweet Potatoes
Kiwi
Ginger Ale
Microwave Ramen
#ginger ale i only have when im craving it otherwise it isnt my go-to cuz im always afraid of it being too strong#^^ crazy to me#alright going down the list#mayo on burgers or in tuna salad and the like otherwise no#no to frozwn yogurt it feels pretebtious#love salt and vibegar#get a battery in my mouth feelibg when i eat kiwi#microwave ramen gives me bubble guts#i love ginger ale#its my go to
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the spreadable butter melted a bit better than the rectangle containers so that's good
#adding it to popcorn#personalice#i do liek popcorn but we don't get it often enough to buy teh separate flavoring#tho the pre made 'snack bags' tend to be good too /better#evenly spread on 'flavoring' than just heating up the microwavable one#bc even the ones labeled 'butter' don't rly have too much of a flavor#and sometimes cheddar is too strong
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im trying to learn how to better keep & reheat leftovers (bc if i dont know how to do a specific thing my brain won't let me try At All) and im getting better at eating bc im learning how to rely on food i know i like & lasts me at least a few days but is very easily heatable
#frozen meals are quick but i cannot rely on them#because they always either taste really off or i'm allergic to like 5 things in them (BROCCOLI WHY ARE YOU EVERYWHERE)#but if i know a recipe my mom can make at home#then we just make like 4 servings and i eat that for 4 days#and i genuinely do really like eating the same meal every day (it's The Tismâą) so it really works#usually i really only know how to reheat things with rice & pasta#because. well. i eat a lot of rice and pasta#but other foods like. my brain goes BAD NO when i get it out of the fridge bc its Not How Im Used To#like i always have a strong reaction to refrigerated chicken bc it smells SO BAD as a leftover but its still fine#but my brain is like *NO!!!! ROTTEN!!!!! SPOILED!!!!!!* i have to like convince it it's fine with Facts and Logic#and so i'm learning how these foods react to being refrigerated so it doesnt freak me out (REFRIGERATED SOUP MY BEFUDDLING)#and learning how to make them last longer (i can save my sandwiches now without the bread getting rock hard!!)#and its kind of helping me eat more often#it doesnt help as much with the days where brain says No Food No Thanks Fuck You#but it DOES help with the days where i dont have the energy/time/physical ability to make something else#usually i don't eat a lot when my mom isn't home because i need her help with Basically Everything now#but if i have something i can quickly shove into the microwave its a lot easier for me to get food by myself#AND i have our crappy old microwave in my room (its 700w lmao) so if i REALLY cant do much#i can just snatch the food from the fridge and sit in bed while it heats up#i'm planning on getting a mini fridge for my room soon to stock emergency meals#the one im looking at is only 200$ plus it has a mini freezer too so i might actually be able to in a couple months#which makes me happy i love finally making progress on accessibility goals
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i actually really really like the more ambient music in ultrakill. in the presence of a king, a thousand greetings, chord of the crooked saints, it all hits. they are bangers to ME
#i said i liked these three specifically (which i think are the only tracks that are more noise than music?) and my friends were like uhm. no#in the presence of a king fucks hard because it does feel like what its name suggests. the slowed down drums are good idc#a thousand greetings is so nice and calming c: i really like the chimes (its understadable why it isnt anyones favorite too lol)#chord of the crooked saints makes me want to chew bones#i loooove love love love love 6-1 specifically bc of the music and this track is PERFECT for introducing heresy#idc that its a microwave i love it. do i love the other two tracks more yes but it does its job and it does it WELL#PS: the bias i hold about it is insanely strong bc i liked the music in 6-1 so much i replayed it multiple times daily for more than a week#so. take that into consideraition#talk
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When Gaz walks into the bases common room, his goal for making his third cup of tea of the day is diverted when he catches sight of Soapâs expression across the room.
The Scot looks absolutely befuddled, eyes wide and sitting slack-jawed across from his Lieutenant. Gaz walks over to the men, catching the very end of Ghost telling his companion to âpiss offâ.
âAlright?â He asks the lads, raising a brow in question.
âYe oughta hear the shite LTâs tryinâ to convince me of over here!â Soap is all too eager to inform his friend. Ghost grunts, leaning further back in his chair, crossing his arms over his chest and rolling his eyes as far back as he can, as if to tell the Sergeant in front of him âthis is why I donât tell you anythingâ.
Because thatâs almost exactly what Ghost is thinking at that moment. Heâd just entered the common room when heâd spotted the back of an all too familiar head, fiddling and distracted with the microwave.
When heâd walked up behind the younger man and echoed his call sign out in greeting, his mask hid the smug smirk that appeared at the jump Soap gave, uttering a loud âShit!â in surprise.
Soap went on to complain about how he was apparently attempting to jumpstart his heart, drawling on about how the Lieutenant was always sneaking up on people like this, moving quiet as a Ghost.
âMy missus says the same thing.â The masked man had mentioned casually, as if his chest hadnât automatically puffed out in pride, standing up a little straighter at the mention of his girl.
âShe says youâre too quiet? Aye, LT, think a lot oâ couples have complaints of the sorts in bed ya see-â
âShut it, you prick.â Ghost quickly shut him down, ending that line of thought. âShe says I walk too quietly in the flat. Accidentally scaring her all the time, poor thing.â
At that, Soapâs eyebrows had shot sky high, keen to hear more about the big bad Ghostâs life of apparent domestic bliss, turning him into an absolute sap.
Ghost wouldnât normally volunteer information about his personal life. But he just loves you so much. And now that heâs not only thinking about you because he is all the time, but also talking about you, his mouth didnât seem to want to stop talking about you.
âShe put her foot down with me recently.â Heâd added with a deep chuckle.
âShe did what?â Soap had asked bewildered.
âShe called it âputting her foot downâ. I walked up behind her when she was doinâ dishes. Poor bird didnât hear me and dropped somethinâ.â
âOh, no! Simon! Thatâs my favourite mug!!â Youâd cried out, watching your most treasured ceramic shattering on the tile floor of the kitchen, spreading every which way across the room.
âMâsorry lovie. Didnât mean to scare ya.â Heâd sheepishly responded, reaching to turn off the running faucet. Heâd grabbed the dish towel and gave it to you to dry your hands, lifted you by the waist and set you on the counter with ease, not wanting you to get hurt with your bare feet. Heâd turned, already in search of a broom and dust pan.
âAgain. You mean Iâm sorry for scaring you again.â You had corrected him, narrowing your eyes. âI canât take it anymore Simon. You donât need to be stealthy at home, my love, you can make noise when you walk. In fact I need you to make noise when you walk at home!â
Simon had nodded along, diligently sweeping up every piece of your ruined mug.
âIâll try harder sweetheart. I promise.â Heâd offered, dumping the remnants into the bin before heâd walked up to you, wrapping his strong arms around your waist as yours slid around his shoulders.
The very next weekend heâd taken you to a local pottery painting class to make up for the lost mug, as well as you telling him off (because yeah, that was what Simon considered you putting your foot down with him, and he never wanted it to happen again if he could help it).
Ghost finds himself grinning further under his mask at the memory however, of how cute you looked as you tried to raise your voice at him, laying down the law in your shared home.
âAnd so whatâd ya tell her?â Soap asked, curious to know how his Lieutenant had reacted, but more so if the man would even reply or rather would tell him to fuck off.
âI didnât tell her anythinâ.â Simon had uttered. âDid as my missus asked me to do, and that was the end of the story. Well, sâpose I did I tell her Iâd look into mug making classes or whatever.â
ââŠâ
âYou what?!â
#call of duty#call of duty fanfic#call of duty fic#simon ghost riley#simon riley#ghost cod#ghost fanfic#ghost x reader#ghost x y/n#ghost x you#simon riley fluff#simon ghost riley fluff#simon ghost riley x you#simon riley x you#simon ghost x reader#simon riley x reader#ghost#cod fluff#cod fic#cod fanfic#cod x reader#cod#readwritealldayallnight#john soap mactavish#kyle gaz garrick
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I know you want to be a demonia boot and a gloomy bear plush, you're more of an over-the-range microwave with Easy Clean© (whatever the fuck that is)
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"She's so tiny!"
Kenji Sato X Wife!Reader [afab] (short oneshot)
DadAU!
TW: newborn/fluff/Emi referneces/new dad au/cheesy dad moments
©all rights reserved. the modification, translation, and plagiarism of my work is strictly prohibited.
This is really just came to my head. It's kinda short. I'm sorry! đ
Here she was Kenji's little baby. An actual human this time. The baby was beautiful. The apple in Kenji's eyes. She was perfect, his little Emiko. His thoughts drifted off to Emi, his first baby. He wonders what she'd do when she saw an a human baby or if she'd grown alot since the last he'd seen her.
As he stood by the balcony of his home admiring his newborn as he held the sleeping infant. Kenji couldn't help but reflect the long journey he's had. No doubt it was unique and crazy but here he was. A father once again. This time around more permanent but Emi would always be in his heart. Kenji glanced at his sleeping wife as he walked back into the house. God, he was so grateful to her. She brought him, his greatest blessing and his greatest gift. His tiny, Emiko.
"You know..I didn't think I'd be able to handle you. I thought that human babies would be alot harder than kaiju babies. "Kenji murmured as he spoke to his little princess. His pure copy. Those mauve, blue eyes. Those dark raven locks and a nose just like his. His little twin. "Looking at you now..after 9 long months..I think I worried too much. You're such a sweetheart and you're so perfect and tiny. I promise-no, I ultra promise I'll be strong enough for you"
The baby cooed as she woke up. A cute little yawn escaped Emiko's lips as she fidgets in her swaddle.
"Good evening, princess Emiko. Ready to eat, tiny girl? I wonder if you'll like fish" Kenji joked before pecking his child's face and walking into the kitchen. Kenji placed a breastmilk filled bottle into the microwave and waited for it to cool after taking it out. Kenji took the time to gently remove the swaddle from his daughter chasing her to do the cutest little stretch "Adorable" Kenji whispered whiles gently tickling his daughter's tummy.
"You know..Emi used to vomit if I did that. She puked all the time" Kenji chuckled to himself and his little daughter as fond memories of Emi clustered through his mind. "I wish you could meet her"
The baby cooed and since she was a calm and sweet baby, she didn't fuss too much as Kenji swiftly changed her diaper whiles singing softly. "B-I-N-G-O..B-I-N-G-O..and Bingo was his name-o"
Kenji grabbed the bottle and checked the temperature before he started feeding his daughter whispering sweet promises.
"I promise that you'll never go near a boy or girl romantically when I'm around"
"I promise I'll never ever neglect you and I'll take excellent care of you and mom"
"I promise I'll be the best dad and I'll teach you all the baseball skills so you'll be better than me"
"I promise to love you forever and ever"
#kenji sato#ken sato x reader#kenji sato x reader#ken sato#ultraman 2024#emi ultraman#ultraman rising#ultraman#fanfic#Spotify#scenarios#SoundCloud
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you'll just have to taste me | joel miller
Summary | He knows he's no good, knows it's a bad idea, you're out of bounds and should stay that way, but it's okay to test the waters, right?
Pairing | Joel Miller x F!Reader
Word Count | 1.7K
Warnings | this is literally 1.7k of utter filth, you've been warned, it's nasty, I told you, okay? Unspecified age gap, Joel is your dad's buddy and Sarah is your friend. Joel fights with his morals but the pussy is too good. Explicit smut, JUST THE TIP, unprotected PiV, cumshot, cum eating, spit play, dirty talk, Joel talks you through it. No outbreak au, no use of Y/N.
Authors Note | I AM SO INCREDIBLY LATE TO POST THIS, but this is my entry to @hellishjoel's HOT DILF SUMMER CHALLENGE. I know it's September and this was not my original idea, but it came to me and I wrote this in less than an hour. It's filth and it's nasty and I beg you not to judge me okay? Written and edited on my phone so forgive any mistakes.
Divider by @saradika
Main Masterlist | Ko-Fi
Heâs going to hell. Heâs always known it. Despite the years of his parents putting him in his Sunday best and taking him to church each week with his brother, despite his upbringing and the way heâs always tried to be the perfect southern gentleman, Joel Miller is going to hell, and the evidence in right in front of him.
You. His buddyâs daughter. His own daughterâs friend. The bane of his existence for the whole damn summer, with your short dresses and flirty eyes and the way you make him laugh and the way heâs wanted you since you waltzed back into town, masters degree under arm, with one purpose which seemed to be to turn him on at every possible opportunity.
Itâs been bubbling for weeks. Youâd caught him in the corridor during movie night with Sarah, whilst she was downstairs microwaving popcorn and heâd had no choice but to kiss you, your lips drenched in something that tasted like mango and made him dizzy. Then, at the annual neighbourhood cookout, when youâd dropped a fork and bent over to pick it up, flashing him those skimpy panties as you did, heâd had no choice then but to drag you upstairs and teach you a lesson, ten sharp slaps on your pert ass and strong words that you needed to stop. He doesnât doubt you went home that night and shoved three fingers into your cunt and dreamt of him as you came.
But now, itâs all real. Sarahâs gone back to college, your parents back to work, and you have nothing lined up until you start getting invited to interview for positions that youâd applied to with a slew of applications about two weeks ago. Itâs why youâre on his bed, itâs why heâs left Tommy on site on his own, and why youâre bare as the day you were born, legs spread obscenely, pussy on display as he stands at the foot of his bed and contemplates whether he really should do this.
âYâscared, old man?â You tease, one hand trailing down your body, two fingers spreading the swollen lips of your cunt, middle finger dipping inside.
He can see the webbing of slick you drag from yourself, finger slow as it circles your clit. His eyes canât miss the way your hole flutters as you touch yourself, like itâs begging to be filled, begging to be filled by his throbbing cock that heâs currently fisting in his hand.
âAinât scared,â He mutters, âYâsure you wanna do this?â
You donât speak in response, just dip two fingers back into your weeping cunt and start fucking yourself with them. He squeezes his cock a little tighter in his hand, feeling the weeping of pre-cum at his tip as he watches.
âAinât no cominâ back from this.â He muses, moving forward, knees on the mattress, your legs spreading wider to accommodate the width of his thighs.
âWant you,â Is all he hears from your mouth as his cock rests on your pussy, hot and heavy against your skin, âWant your cock, Joel.â
He thrusts his hips a little at that, dragging his length through the soaking folds of your cunt, head rubbing against the swollen bud of your clit.
âYâsure?â He asks, continuing the rub of his cock, âItâs all over then, baby,â He coos, âIâll ruin ya.â
âGood,â You groan out, hips shifting to try and catch his tip at your entrance, to try and get exactly what you want, âI want it, Joel, I want it bad.â
âYâknow what I think?â He asks, looking down at you, stopping his movements and opting to circle your clit with his thumb instead, âI reckon we need tâmake sure.â
âI am-â You try and protest, but heâs shushing you.
âI reckon,â He says slowly, bringing the tip of his cock to press to your weeping core, âIt donât count if itâs just the tip,â He pushes his hips forward ever so slightly, not enough to sink inside, but enough that heâs already had a taste of what youâll feel like around him, âJust the tip baby, and then weâll know.â
He looks down at you and he can see your wild eyes, the way you nod your head against the mattress. Youâre such a good girl for him, taking whatever heâll give you, so he does just that. With three fingers on the base of his cock, he lets the tip of him push inside you, just enough that the head of his cock is nestled inside you, and he knows heâs fucked.
Youâre tight and youâre warm and youâre breathing and whimpering for him, and those perfect walls are clenching around him so right and so good that it takes every ounce of self-control he has not to shove his cock all the way in and damn you both to hell.
âJesus girl,â He breathes, one hand clutching at your hip to hold you still, âFuckinâ perfect, ainât ya?â
You donât speak back to him, itâs all you can do to lie and try not to writhe too much as he starts his shallow thrusts. The head of his cock popping from your wet cunt and then being sucked back in so perfectly. Heâs had his fair share of women since Sarah went to college and he knows heâs a lot to take, knows that he knows what heâs doing too, but when he looks down at you, your eyes tilted back in your skull, cunt squeezing him just right, he canât help but think this is what heâs been missing.
âThat good?â He asks, bringing his thumb back to your clit, swirling wetness across it as he continues the shallow thrusts of his hips.
âWant it all,â You grumble, âCan take it all, Joel.â
âAinât got a doubt,â He teases, but doesnât relent, âBut we gotta make sure.â
He wants to lean down, wants to cover your body with his own and suck one of your perfect nipples into his mouth, but he knows the minute he does youâll beg him so nice and heâll break, so he resists, swirling his thumb across your clit with more purpose now.
âMâgonna-â You choke out, and he knows, he can feel it, the way youâre fluttering and tightening around the head of his cock so perfectly, âGonna come, Joel.â
âYeah?â He asks ruefully, âGonna come on my cock, pretty girl?â He smiling down at you as your mouth drops open, your cunt pulling painfully tight around him, âGo on, you can do it,â He babbles, trying to fight the tightening in his own stomach until youâve come for him, âCome for me, baby.â
And you do, by God you do, and he thinks it might be the most beautiful thing heâs ever seen, the sweetest thing heâs ever heard. You whine, a high-pitched kind of thing, eyes clamping shut as you arch your back. Thereâs more slick around his cock than heâs ever seen before, making it easy for the tip of his cock to ease you through it. The convulsing of your walls around him bring him to his own end, using his last braincell to drag the tip from your cunt and give himself three strokes before the thick ropes of his cum are splashing across your swollen pussy. He watches where they land, painting your skin as his own as his head tips back and breathes a sigh of relief.
He knowâs he should stop, but thereâs something mesmerising about the mix of his cum and your own, the way heâs dripping down you and onto his sheets. His shuffles down a little and leans forward, using his thumbs to spread your pussy open, before he uses his tongue to gather the mess down there. Heâs slurping at you, tasting your cunt through his cum, gathering as much of the two of you as he can in his mouth.
Youâre moaning for him when his tongue flicks a few times at your sensitive bud, but then his body is over yours, weight pressed against you as one of his hands takes your chin, squeezing at your jaw to get you to open your mouth, which you do, gladly.
Joel opens his own mouth, letting his cum, your slick and his spit drop from his own into your waiting mouth. He doesnât give you a minute to swallow anything, his tongue mixing with yours in a kiss that is messy and obscene. He can feel your hips against his own, your hot cunt pressing against him. If he was younger, heâd pin you down and fuck you again, this time for real, but all he can do is pull away.
âSwallow it,â He orders, closing your mouth and watching the bob of your throat as you do what he says, producing your tongue for him, âGood fuckinâ girl.â
He unceremoniously collapses onto the bed next to you, arm over his eyes as he tries to recover some semblance of composure. He can feel your body next to his, shuffling a little closer, and then he can hear you stifling a laugh and then before long, itâs not stifled, itâs full on laughter. He takes his arm from his eyes and looks at you, and canât help but start laughing himself, until his ribs hurt and youâve calmed down enough, your body draped across his in the mid-afternoon glow.
âThis is bad, huh?â You whisper, fingers dancing through the smattering of hair across his chest.
âTerrible, really.â He responds.
âIâm sure though,â And he holds you a little tighter at that, âNext time, I want the whole thing.â
âDonât worry baby,â He says quietly, pressing his lips to the crown of your head, âYou can have whatever you want next time.â
#Joel Miller x reader#Joel Miller x you#Joel Miller x female reader#Joel Miller x f!reader#Joel Miller smut#Joel Miller#Joel Miller fic#Joel Miller fanfic#Joel Miller fanfiction#the last of us#the last of us hbo#tlou#tlou hbo#the last of us smut#tlou smut#tlou fic#tlou fanfic#tlou fanfiction#the last of us fic#the last of us fanfic#the last of us fanfiction#Joel Miller Pedro pascal#Pedro Pascal#Joel Miller tlou#Joel tlou#Joel Miller the last of us#Joel the last of us
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Can you pretty please write a fic where Logan and Deadpool are having an argument about how they should be fucking the reader, like going over techniques while the reader is just drooling and mindless like âwhaaaâ
hell YEAH i love getting fucked stupid by big strong men >:3333âŹ
this is a rly good prompt btw so i could GLADLY expand on this but for rn hereâs a snippet đ
warning: dp, painal, sadomasochism, mild transphobia, slurs, degradation, overstim, dubcon, daddy kink
anatomical terms: cunt/pussy/bussy
They talk about you like youâre not even there.
Well, physically you were right there with them. Mentally you were nowhere to be found, certainly not on their conversational level. Wade had been bouncing you in his lap for god knows how long. His cock in your cunt had thoroughly fucked your train of thought off the tracks. Your internal monologue was nothing but bitchy whimpers and primal burning for more. Welp. What do you expect? Back to back orgasms will do to that to you. You couldnât even recall how the argument started, and context wouldâve really been helpful.
âWow! Okay! Thatâs a shitty thing to say to our guest! Wanna apologize and maybe try that one again, JK Rowling?â
"Oh, get fucked. That's not what I meant and you know it." Logan kept his firm hands on your shoulders, assisting your bounce, since your legs were damn near liquified.
âMmmmm, ah, gah-fuuuck⊠Wh... Wha? Huh?â
âHow is that not what you meant?" Wade, questioned, maintaining his steel grip on your ass. He felt that he had to protect you from the big bad wolf and his transphobia. "You just said heâs not a real man because he has a pussy. A tight, sweet, JUICY pussy that feels like a fleshlight full of microwaved angel dust. And yet SOMEHOW this makes him not a real man to you? Maybe youâre just not man enough for HIM, sugar-tits!â
"I said you gotta fuck him like a real man. Youâre being too good to him. It's gonna fuel his ego, and Iâm not letting you turn him into a spoiled brat. Fuck him in the ass, that'll teach him a lesson. Show him this shit ain't a joke."
"No way! Ass is ass is ass is ass. Everybody's got an asshole, peanut, and newsflash? They all feel the same. But this boy's pussy? This hot buttery premium A5 wagyu bussy that'sâSQUEEZINGmyfuckingdicksotight, oh, fuck, fuckfuckfuck, angel baby, sweet boy, you feel so GOOD! Making your Daddy feel so good, good boy!"
Praise was easy enough to process. It didn't require any cognitive effort on your part. You didn't have to weigh in and have an opinion, you just have to take it, and be grateful for it. "Hah, fuck! Thankâthank you, Daddy! FUCK! Wade! WadeWadeWadeWadeâWADE! WadeWadeWade..."
But Logan wouldn't let it go. "I'm serious. Make him take it up the ass, or I will."
âUn-be-lievable. You know something? You must be the one guy in this universe who could see a whimsical forest path that leads to a magical unicorn fountain, and says 'Oh, no, none for me. Let me go spelunking in the poop-chute, thank you very much!' And if that's not the single gayest thing I've seen in my entireâ"
"WADE, SHUT THE FUCK UP!"
"Eeep!"
Oh, you poor thing. He nearly gave you a heart attack! It's terrifying when someone yells out of nowhere, especially when that someone has you naked and vulnerable in their hands. Logan had slammed you down on Wade's cock when he yelled, completely stopping the scene and trapping you between them. Woah. Time out. Shit has officially just gotten real. You and Wade held bated breath, and traded a glance that said "We're cooked. Nice knowing ya."
But Logan just laughed at you both. Delighted by the atmospheric tension he had just created.
"Heh... heh heh heh..."
Then he relaxed his grip on you, and those big strong calloused man hands started to explore. They massaged your shoulders, rubbed your neck and jaw, and groped and squeezed wherever they pleased. All the while, his hot breath, tinted with whiskey and malice, ghosted over the shell of your ear as he talked. He spoke very firmly. Targeted. Slow. He wanted you to get every fucking word.
"Listen, bub. Iâm not about to question whether or not youâre a man, okay? But Iâll say this. When real men wanna take cock? It hurts. Oh, it hurts real bad. And most of âem donât get the luxury of a cushy little cunt thatâs meant to take a pounding. No, son. Real men get ripped apart by cock. It makes them cry and scream and sometimes their tiny little rims even bleed because of it. And you know what? They love it. They love how much it hurts them. Cause theyâre men. Strong men. And youâre no fuckinâ better than them, you know that? You think just cause you got another hole that you can take the easy way out? Everything's gonna be peaches and cream, huh? Nuh uh. Not on my watch, you little shit. You wanna act like you're such a fag? Well then youâre getting fucked like one of us too."
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âJesus fucking Christ, babycakes, if you donât want him up your ass Iâll GLADLY take the heat for you.â
#anon#ask#deadpool#deadpool x trans reader#deadpool x you#deadpool x reader#deadpool smut#deadpool x ftm reader#deadpool x reader x wolverine#wolverine x trans reader#wolverine x reader#wolverine smut#wolverine#wade wilson x trans reader#wade wilson x you#wade wilson x reader#wade wilson smut#wade wilson#wade wilson x ftm reader#logan howlett#logan howlett x reader#logan howlett smut#logan howlett x trans reader#logan howlett x you#logan howlett x ftm reader
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König being your boyfriend
I got bored, enjoy! Edited: something triggering at the last part (consenual somnophilia)
Okay first of all, he's gentle. Very gentle. He knows he's strong and his hands would break necks within seconds, he would use those hands to gently caress your cheek, trying his best not to hurt you.
Mans would cry if you got hurt because of him, even if it was an accident.
Wouldn't let you work, doesn't want to risk you being called by some other men when he's not around.
Scary dog privileges.
During movie nights, he would definitely pull you closer by pulling your shoulder, would def kiss your forehead too
Probably would take him atLEAST a year to take off his mask around you, and when he does, he would shower you with kisses.
Makes up for the time he's not here with you by buying you stuff online, sending you flowers, letters, clothes etc.
Mans would carry a picture of you in his wallet at all times, in battle he'd hide your photo under his bicycle helmet.
LOVES arts and crafts, he would give you homemade things like paper roses, paper rings and etc. (Stan taylor swift)
Since he gets socially anxious, he makes up for the fact that you can't go on fancy dates and he would do everything in his power to make you two dinner, flowers, tables, he's got everything.
In the mornings, he would probably hesitate letting you go and pulling you in for a hug, spooning you closely so you can't move. Eventually you give in and hug him back, making him smile.
Very dumb at times, man would probably try to wash the microwave by rinsing it with water if you're not there.
Would pull you closer to him and death glare the person if someone so much as dared to smile at you
Personal bodyguard.
Would probably fuck you when you're asleep, finds it fun when you unconsciously squirm under him.
#konig headcanons#bullshitting#idk anymore#konig x reader#konig x y/n#konig x you#könig#könig mw2#könig my beloved#könig x reader#könig x y/n#könig smut#könig cod#könig call of duty#konig smut#konig#cod mw fanfiction#cod mw x reader#cod mw2 fanfic#mw2#konig cod#cod fanfic#cod mw2#cod x reader#könig modern warfare#eepyposting
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Be nice if the size was slightly bigger but then again if I had this and a cheesy patty itâd prolly give me more of a stomach ache
#personalice#not rly tech lactose? (tho I am Asian lol) but depending on how much/strong it is it does affect me#tho I wish more places offered Swiss/pepper jack since American or cheddar is a bit strong for me#but Iâm also picky#lol I always could fry an egg myself too tho kinda a pain#versus being able to microwave something for 30 secs instead
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Kidnapper Price?
He has a system.
Wake you up an hour after his alarm - he is careful to slip out of bed without waking you, but he is also strict whenever you're trying to beg for another five minutes. He would bring you breakfast, waking you up with the prospect of eating on your own - you were a good girl the past month, ever since he threatened to cut your shins if you ever tried to live again - so you could eat without his hand wiping on your face and holding the spoon.
You munch on a French toast - it got better with every attempt. This man had to learn softness in order to stop scaring you. Had to watch those dumb reels and try to whip out a palatable dessert for you, hoping it would make you at least a tiny bit more interested in having him. He kisses you on the forehead and his beard scratches your skin - it's better this way, you think. Makes you remember you can still feel something other than the endless softness of the pillows. Makes you bury your face in the sheet and only let go when his nudges on your shoulder become stricter.
He is a captain, and it took a while for Price to remember that civilians aren't good at following orders. You would give him half-assed hugs and soft mumbles instead of clear and nice "love you, please come back safe" as he wanted, and he had to stop himself from lashing out. You don't deserve this, and he has to be patient, even if he thinks you would benefit from a strong hand. John reminds himself - that he is training a new soldier and he is trying to get himself a wife.
He has a strict timing for everything, his therapist would probably talk his ear off about being a control freak. Not his fault he has way too many enemies. It's not his fault that he needs a pretty girl next to him, his to mold and control. He would kiss your cheek before giving you a moment to yourself, and he would drag your body for a daily weather forecast. Never the news - you're fragile, he thinks, too fragile to even watch a show about some poor senior getting robbed. You would curl on the couch with a bowl of popcorn - he is microwaving it himself, sneering at your desire for snacks when he could order something actually filling. You'd let him absently pet your head as he speaks to his boys about something - missions, retirement, coming back to work. You don't want him to go on missions because it would mean spending your days in the bed again, with some of his friends to watch over you - and you don't like his friends.
Price would call you a little siren as you'd crawl on his lap and push your face under his stubby chin, kissing-biting the side of his neck. Sloppy kisses and puppy licks up his face, down his collarbone. Until he is finally had enough with being a chewing toy, and agrees to stay for another week. Starts talking about taking his leave and finally cashing on the pension. Maybe opening a car shop.
You drop your pussy all over his lap, forcing yourself to rub over his crotch and make him forget about the phone call. He knows what you're doing - and he knows it's still much better this way. He can fuck you stupid for trying to defy him later - he will indulge you for now, putting a firm hand on your ass and giving you a squeeze. You've done good as his captive wife, he is just trying to see whether you'll be as good as a regular one.
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